it's very tiring to hide your feelings.. hmmm.. but sometimes it's so difficult to share.. haha
anyway.. i'm home.. the last day of my stay out course..
there are alot of things, i don't know how or what to do.. but so.. now it's wonderful to have a nice good rest.. hah

i think whenever i'm with my ns mates.. i'll tend to be more free.. probably cause i won't think so much and forget all my worries.. haha.. i'm still quite free till this week..

hmm.. come to think of it.. i realise my chinese standard has dropped.. i mean i can't seem to remember how to write the words and probably forgot most of the idioms.. i can read but sometimes will forget how to write.. maybe i should start reading the chinese dictionary..

don't know why.. but i really dislike coming home.. every time when i reach home, probably not every time but this time, i'll feel something weird.. suddenly i feel so dry.. many thoughts will suddenly go through my mind.. something's really wrong with me.. seems that the devil is putting pressure on my relationship with people.. trying to put down the people around me.. sometimes it seems so true.. that i am suddenly being taken forgranted.. hmm.. i did change my blog url for that moment.. didn't want to let people see what i wanna blog.. probably wj you're right.. i'm probably being emo again.. it's the weird feeling.. hmmm.. hah

it's so weird.. i just found my camp passes.. it's passes not pass.. yesterday i was searching high and low for them.. i'm sure i searched my bag thoroughly and they're not inside or anywhere.. but i just remembered that i had to search for it and when i opened my bag compartment just now, it was inside.. this is the 2nd time my camp pass disappeared and reappear the next day.. 1st time was in sispec in my bunk.. i lost it somehow and my friends help me to search around the bunk. but next day, it just reappear beside my boots.. it's just so weird.. oh.. losing one camp pass gotta pay $50, make a police report plus extras.. what's more i had 2 camp passes clipped together..

what a v day.. haha didn't do anything much.. course ended before lunch.. so went home first.. met up my friends to go polyclinic together.. got mc for friday.. first time i see people wanted to get mc but failed.. haha.. then we went to watch Jumper.. it was nice.. my friend asked why do cinemas have front row seats when nobody wants.. quite silly and i said they're for the officers.. ha.. anyway.. yday rested at home.. packed my stuffs.. my mum actually said i am so obedient to pack my things yday.. oh man.. this weekend may be activated.. pray that it'll be just replying with a sms and not to report back to camp..

i thought i had someone to talk to.. but..
still i had to make effort..

she asked me out again.. on v day.. confused...
stay out course now, ERT, everyday should be home..

morning go for expo service.. after service come home.. since it is so, why not i just attend sunday jw service? it's different just because i'm anchoring that service and probably i'll meet lesser friends..
i don't like the feeling of being lost, having nowhere to go after service.. probably it's me.. the changes still affecting me even after so long.. sometimes i'll still wonder why must this happen.. how come i'm part of it.. i have the feeling that nobody knows.. it's true.. nobody knows..

expo service is great.. every sunday morning, i'll wake up with great expectancy to go for service at expo.. but....
i'm probably still hanging on to going expo service because....

today is keenan's birthday.. though you'll not see it.. but Happy Birthday boy..

rest and relax

it's a good week.. =).. haha.. rest rest rest.. SOC test monday.. have fun!