feeling quite down just now.. so much wanted to go for the earlier service.. went for the latter one.. didnt managed to get centre seats but anyhow.. it's ok.. whole service was good.. presence of God was strong.. altar call, seeing so so so many people responded.. i felt so happy for them, yet feeling sad bout myself.. and many things running through my mind as pastor preached, and as he gave the altar call..

super full, ordered alot of food at bedok interchange.. cab back but the journey time almost same as taking train.. booking in tmr morning.. awaiting for next weekend..

the drama this year is pretty good.. though i didnt attend any service today, i just peek during the drama.. hmm.. probably this week is big day week, i'm actually surprised that some ushers were really.. almost made me agitated.. haha
went out of the hall to get some black trashbags for children's church games.. wanted to enter from the rear door and the usher didnt want to let me in..
usher: where are you all from?
me: i'm serving.
usher: what ministry?
me: children's church.
usher: next time pls wear your tag. (looking away)
seriously, he sounded quite attitude.. my another cch friend was there and agreed.. ok probably my fault for not wearing tag? but who wears the tag to serve in expo..other than usher, chorus board people? and in addition, my tag is inside expo.. hmm..
anyway.. was booking seats for the next service.. i understand that there are people who walked in and looked for ushers for seats.. but..
usher: are you taking the whole row?
me: ya.
usher: where are your members?
me: they're walking in. should be reaching soon.
usher: i have some people who are here already and they need the seats.
me: but they are coming in and they are in the queue to come in. can i keep the seats longer?
usher: no!
that no leaves me with nothing to say.. thank God my cgl came just when he said no and he walked away.. anyway.. it's ok.. i didnt really take it to heart about them.. haha.. cause serving children's church is good.. baby esther was here today! playing for the service, seeing the happy face probably made my day.. was considering whether to serve or go service just now.. asked hx and she didnt mind me serving so ya.. though i didnt really serve for the first service cause i was watching the drama and my heart wasn't really there.. just helped out abit..
something off.. watched gong zhu xiao mei.. i randomly said zhuo wen xuan is pretty..oh, hx, me and hf were talking.. hx said she thinks angela is better.. then she goes... in chinese
hx: but we have something in common. both of us think that chen feng ling is pretty..
hf: ??
hx: now called chen jin xuan.. oh i realise mx likes all the xuans.. chen jin xuan.. zhuo wen xuan.. and owyang huixuan..
me: -.-.. oh and one more...
hx: who?
me: ren jia xuan.. selina..
hx: hahah.. aiya.. but somebody likes girls that clip their hair left, clip their hair right.. of course i cant clip my hair.. dont know something something *il..

oh.. cecilia told me something that i had thought it might be and it really is.. though i always think that it would never happen.. the things that she told me, i understand cause i really felt the same way.. sometimes that kind of pressure is really unreasonable.. i mean probably everyone assume and expect us to act that way but never really ask how we feel.. oh.. i was also discussing about multiplication and reshuffling with jon when we were having lunch in bedok.. hmm it's quite a big difference..

watching the chan 8 show at 8pm.. su zhi cheng (i dont know his eng name) and mark lee started the show with a conversation that goes like this..
su: if there's only one thing that you can have, what would you want?
mark: i would want happiness.
su: why?
mark: cause if i have all the riches but if i'm not happy, it is useless.
this caused me to think of what is the one thing that i would want. it'll be God.. it's so true that many people would want happiness.. that's why many lost souls out there are rich yet have an unfulfilling life, unhappy life.. with Him, comes joy, peace and every other thing, finances etc.. seriously, what the world is looking for is actually Him.. but why are there still people that do not want to accept Him? cause they do not know about Him? they have not seen His power working? questions after questions..

anyhow, i went to serve in children's church today.. seeing all the child care children.. i saw my kindergarden too.. seeing the children, many being innocent, but some really love God, raising up their hands and acknowledging Him.. a very touching scene.. especially haven been serving main service for so long.. the presence was great.. if only the world would have the child-like mind.. if only... but rocfish said nothing will be impossible with God..

was having a conversation with jp just now after serving..
jp: i think i want to find a gf next year.
me: so fast?
jp: not fast. 21 can already ma.
me: so you wanna find someone of the same age?
jp: not necessary. can be younger ma.
me: what if the girl you like wanna focus on spiritual things and not ready for relationship?
jp: that's why must find a girl that is also pursuing a relationship.
me: like that you might miss out the girl that God wanna give to you.
jp: that's why must go through relationship. can focus on spiritual things and still have a relationship what. if not what is relationship for?
david: preparation for marriage. -> -.-
me: to get to know each other better?
jp: friends also can get to know each other better what.

and we kinda ended there cause i didnt know what to continue.. pondering.. the power of focus..

anyway still sick.. but when i was serving.. didnt really feel sick at all.. probably it's nice to see the smile and joy..

gastric flu is quite unbearable.. considering the pain in the stomach.. unable to eat.. unable to rest well.. haven recover.. but i'm part of the team in the exercise next week.. i pray that i'll be able to recover in time.. so due to the exercise, gotta book in at 6pm on sunday to prepare our stuffs and team equipment.. that's like so early.. and next sunday i have cos duty.. hmm.. and it's easter.. should i sell it.. haha..

i'm sick.. very very very sick.. since sunday evening.. couldn't think properly.. didn't booked in cause i seriously can't move.. high fever causing tremendous head pain, stomach pain, whole body aching.. seriously felt like i was dying.. so many people called me, so many smses.. of all time, then i can't reply.. anyway.. still the pain in my head is still there.. visited the doctor just now.. i think she kinda thought i'm faking illness.. i told her i had high fever last night.. she took my temperature and it seems normal.. told her my stomach pain.. she pressed but i can't really tell her which part is more painful.. you know it's like stomach very suan those kinda feeling not the blue black pain feeling.. i told her yday's breakfast had something wrong cause after eating it i couldn't eat anything else but she said that it does not have relation to fever and said must be cause i didn't eat that's why.. but seriously, i think something's wrong with my breakfast.. anyhow she told me probably i do not have enough sleep recently or i am very stressed that caused me to be sick.. i'm very tired..

another verse just came to me as i was on my way back.. i was thinking about what ailing shared during offering in cg, Luke6:38.. then i felt discouraged.. cause i do not have enough to spend.. thinking bout how much my next pay will be and how much i would need to pay my debts.. it's like no different from my usual pay in the past.. i would be left with very little to spend the next month again..
then was tempted again.. but anyway.. Matthew6:21 just came to me.. where my heart is.. probably i've spent too much.. but then again.. i also gave alot to God.. it's where my heart will be..
pray pray pray for finances..

read some posts and saw this verse
Isaiah7:9
... If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.
hold on, holding on
move on, moving on

today one of my camp mate said something funny about me.. cause i was eating the usual bee hoon with egg at gedong camp.. he was saying that i always eat the same thing which ever camp i go to.. nee soon camp i'll always eat the hor fun, that camp always bee hoon, at my camp always eat the rice with the same dishes.. so before that we were talking bout one of my instructor, the staff sgt, who just got divorce cause he had an affair.. and my camp mate said that next time when i choose my wife i'll be faithful and stick with her forever..

anyway.. even in army camps.. ns people also can have affairs outside even when they see guys everyday.. sometimes when i see people.. people who are not really bad quite nice, but they're not saved.. and i'll feel helpless when i cant do anything about it.. probably pray.. need to have more opportunities..

sometimes it's better not to know too many things.. if you dont know, you'll never think of it..